divorce-19
Dad was the 49th person in New Zealand to test positive for Covid- 19,
kick starting my six-week crash course on how to live with (tolerate) your parents whilst infected with a potentially deadly virus.
If I were to sum up 2020 in one word it would be ‘frantic’ or ‘cheese-on-toast’. It was treacherous, scary and overall slow but for me it was also precious. It was a period of time I otherwise would not have spent with my hilarious - and at times highly agitating - parents.
What follows here is my somewhat 'lockdown diary’, funny at times and slightly triggering at others. I hope by sharing our story I can contribute to the wider conversation of ‘lockdown’ and how that looked and felt for different people. Which, in this case was one confirmed positive, two probable's and a dog that had no choice but to be there.
Day 1:
Picked mum and dad up from the airport, they look tired, groggy.
The flight from the UK never gets any easier.
Mums already tried to hug me ten times. Not sure if this is allowed, keep telling her to stop and stay two feet away at all times.
She’s developed a cough and in turn dad has developed a sympathy cough. I’m already going mad.
Things I have learnt whilst being in Isolation:
- Dad carries his backpack with him where ever he goes, it is usually empty.
- Mum likes to rearrange the soaps in the house daily. (I mean, what’s better for moving germs around?).
- Mum and dad think wi-fi, bluetooth, data and data roaming are the same thing.
- If making soup always add a potato, two cloves of garlic and half your soul.
- Do not drink and use social media.
- The bin men will always turn up but your mum will always obsess over where they are.
- Do not pump up your bike tyres without the supervision of your dad.
- Mum and dad both have matching iPads although they both only use mum’s (it has scrabble on it).
- You must have patience with your parents.
- Mum refuses to waste food. She will instead give it to the dog as ‘tit bits’. I don’t know if I’d class half a chicken, left over veg and a loaf of bread as ‘tit bits’ but the dog is happy.
- It is ok to be alone and I think I actually prefer it.
- Cheese makes any meal better.
- Mum is the Queen disturber of the internet. She continually knocks the modem with the vaccum cleaner then spends the following hour figuring out why it isnt working.
- Dad believes that he can successfully nurture any plant cutting magically overnight.
- Your Mum will always ask if you need to the toilet before you leave the house, regardless of your age.
- Do not alter your bike seat without the supervision of your dad.
- I definitely prefer to be alone.
- Dad believes that golf courses should always stay open, even in times of a nationwide pandemic.
- Mum holds her iPhone with two hands at all times.
- How to do the cat and the cow pose (yoga). Surprisingly the cow pose doesn’t mean standing in the kitchen eating snacks.
- When mum questions ‘should I or should I not have a glass of wine’, she’s about to have a glass of wine.